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I chose to participate because I have lived inside the distorted certainty that my future held nothing but more suffering, which led to a suicide attempt. I know how completely extreme stress, anxiety, and depression can obscure the possibility of a future—and I also know that the life beyond that moment may contain things we cannot yet imagine. 

I wanted to stand beside other survivors and make that future visible.

My life since that moment has held love, friendship, creativity, laughter, meaningful work, unexpected opportunities, quiet mornings, and countless ordinary pleasures I would never have known I was going to miss. I have discovered new parts of myself and begun again in ways I could not have foreseen.

My suicidal crisis made the present moment feel like it was the entire story. It wasn’t. There are still people you have not met, rooms you have not entered, things you have not created, and versions of yourself you haven’t become yet. 

By allowing myself to be seen as a survivor, I hope to offer something more than the fact that I lived. I want my portrait to be evidence of possibility: that a future can exist beyond the edge of the despair you feel now, and that it holds reasons to be grateful you held on long enough to be there to meet it.

Ellie Bates Chappell

Explore resources shared by the clinicians, artists, advocates, and community organizations helping us hold space around this experience. Select an organization below to learn more or download the materials they have provided.